Inspirational Couple

This is such a spontaneous blog post so I apologise in advance if it's boring or whatever but seriously today I've completely changed. I can feel it. It's so weird!

Anyway after watching a whole heap of videos on You Tube about this specific couple it dawned on me that they're completely my inspiration. They're such strong, hilarious, strong, bold women that are entirely themselves and don't let anyone else get them down. 

OBVIOUSLY, I'm talking about the all famous lesbian couple; Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi. What they've been through as children and young teenagers is so touching. With Portia going through an eating disorder as she was pressured as a teenager after she started modelling at the young age of 12 and her Dad dying when she was so young. And Ellen having family troubles with her Mum having cancer and her step dad sexually abusing her. When I found this out I was so touched and it hit me right inside. They're living proof that you can be an amazing person and that the hard steps that you've had to go through do absolutely make you a better person.

And of course, they've both been through the struggles of coming out too. Portia knew she had a connection with Ellen when they first met however she found it very hard to act upon them as Ellen was already out and was considered the most famous lesbian woman. However Ellen's coming out journey wasn't easy. Ellen came out during her 4th season of Ellen in 1997 on Oprah.

They got married in 2008 and in my opinion are just so perfect together and are such good role models to all younger girls who are struggling with who they are because they think they will have a lower quality of life because of their sexuality.

I totally apologise for this random post but I will stop rambling now! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

Lots of love,
Chloe

Life Today- University, Balls, Holidays and Operations

Today.....

Well today I'm struggling on picking a subject to talk about. My life seems dull at the moment. Everything's going the way I want it too which is of course good as I can't really complain about that. However I just feel a lack of LOVE for LIFE. This is evidently my fault as I'm the driver to my own destinations.

Anyway as I'm spending longer and longer sat at my laptop thinking about what to write about today I'm thinking of just doing an overview on how my life is today. what's going on and what's going to happen in the future just to re-iterate to myself that my life is moving forwards and is not simply just in slow motion. 

What am I doing right now? Well right this second obviously I'm sat at my laptop writing this however I really need to get on and edit some videos for my presentation that is due at the end of February at University about teaching children to run. It shouldn't take me too long to do however it's just one of those things that I have been putting off all week and I just really need to sit down in complete silence, without my phone, without any music, without anyone or anything to distract me to just get it done and out of the way so that Morgan and I can build on the information to form our presentation and therefore can get on and start rehearsing it together. 
Currently I'm at home and have been for almost 2 weeks now and will be returning to the not so sunny Plymouth City on Monday 2nd Feb! I'm really excited to go back actually as it's the second to last run before I finish the year. I really have enjoyed being a fresher at Uni so much however I need to put a lot of work in before it's over but I can't wait for that time to come as I'm that one step closer to actually doing work that counts towards my degree!!

I'm still part of the Football, Futsal and Netball teams at Uni and enjoy them so much. The people are lovely and everything but obviously with everything there has to be one downer to it all. Strength and Conditioning! I actually really enjoy S&C however it's at such an ungodly hour that I just find it so hard to get up and do! I'm the least morning person there is and so I really find it hard to get out of bed to go. Why can't they just put it in the evenings??

So I will have 8 weeks back at Uni and then will be home again for Easter. Easter won't be that exciting for me as I'm just going to work for most of the 3 weeks that I'm home so won't have much time to spend with my family or my girlfriend. 

Anyway after the much needed Easter break I will be returning to Uni for the final 5 weeks! EEEeeeeekkkk! During those 5 weeks there will be the sports awards and May Ball! And the of course, packing up and coming home on 29th May!

Obviously when I get home I'll be back to work soon enough. I'm saving up so Luci and I can go on holiday in the summer. We're not sure where too and she's struggling for money so it's going to have to be a cheap and cheerful one but that's okay because her company is enough for me to make anything amazing! Also I don't really know when the holiday is going to fit in during the summer as she's finishing Sixth Form and then I'm going to her Leaver's Ball with her on 25th June. I'm also scheduled to have double-jaw surgery this summer as my jaws are not aligned correctly. I've lived with it all my life now so I've got used to the struggles that it brings. When I first got braces they gave me an ultimatum. Braces and jaw surgery or no braces at all and wonky teeth to go along with the wonky jaw for the rest of my life. Obviously I decided on the braces and jaw surgery as it makes eating so hard. My jaw used to click every time I chewed therefore just decided not to eat overly chewy things as it was just too uncomfortable. The orthodontist admitted that when I got the braces applied that it would make the gap in my teeth worse and I would find eating much harder. She didn't lie. Now I've reached the stage where I'm excited to have the surgery. I have 2 friends who have had it done and said it was hell however the outcome is so worth it. Having my jaws bolted together and it taking a total of 90 days (that's quarter of a year!!) to heal fully is pretty daunting. However I'm excited to have to re-learn how to chew and actually feel for the first time what it's like to eat and chew just like everyone else. And have a face and a jaw line like everyone else. 

Anyway I've rambled enough now and I will hopefully enjoy my summer as much as I can and return to Uni in September into my new flat being only 2 hours away from Luci instead of 3/3.5 and not have her parents stopping us from ever seeing each other.

Life is definitely looking up. 

Chloe x

Review on the press against volgging star Zoella

So, back in 2014 something fairly big and actually quite spectacular happened. And I'm a bit delayed in writing thise blog post so a very big sorry in advance!!
Anyways, Famous YouTube star "Zoella" was all over the internet (more so that usual) after people found out that her new book release "Girl Online" which was 2014s best selling book had a ghost-writer.

Zoe Sugg made it clear on her YouTube channel from the beginning that a team of people were helping to create the book alongside her and therefore never lied to her fans like the news stories say so. Could we really expect someone who vlogs her everyday life and creates great make-up and hair tutorial videos to write a book solely on her own? I'm not saying she's not capable but even people who's careers are in writing have ghost writers!! Do news writers feel like it's acceptable to victimise the YouTube sensation just because she's so popular? 

Zoella clearly got upset from the uproar about the mysterious ghost-writer and therefore tweeted saying she was "taking a few days out and off the internet because it's clouding up my brain". It was so unfair to persecute Zoe so much like this when her intentions for the book were to help all of her 7 million fans that she has acquired over the years. The book focused on real and serious issues like self-belief, sexuality and online hate. How ironic!

News then broke out the Zoella was apparently quitting YouTube however she made it clear with yet another tweet “I AM NOT QUITTING YOUTUBE. Yet again, twisting stuff to gain views. Sad.”

I don't really understand the problem with the fact that someone tried to help Zoe write such a popular book. Obviously most of her fans were going to buy the book because she's so likeable like the girl next door that's so easy to get to know and like. Obviously I only know her from her videos just like you however it's just so easy to like Zoe, and therefore shouldn't be criticized for actually doing something from a different perspective to reach out and help people!

I'm not someone who knows the ins and outs with all of the fact revolving around "Girl Online" and so even I accept that some of what I have said may be incorrect or possibly hurtful but I hope not as I'm aiming it at Zoe's fans who were upset by this whole story from thinking that Zoe lied to them. Everyone's allowed to have secrets anyway are they not? Even if they're your best friend.  

Mental Health: Living with Anxiety

HEY GUYS!!

Ok, so this is something I've been wanting to blog about for some time now as it's very dear to my heart and is a huge part of who I am and how I cope with things in life. 
The whole reason I decided to make a blog was just to help one person and make someone's day just that little bit brighter, so if I help at least one person with this blog post then I will feel good. I even tried making a YouTube channel however I found this hard and couldn't really see what to do and didn't have the self-confidence to do it. 

So...about a quarter of the world's population suffers from some kind of mental health problem, with mixed anxiety and depression being the most common in Britain, and so I'm going to tell you my story of living with anxiety that affects me EVERY SINGLE DAY in some way. 

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember but have never found the trigger for it. I first seeked medical help when I was around 13 because living with anxiety just seemed to get harder and harder. My doctor then referred me to a mental health centre where I spoke to a lovely woman who was called Chloe too.
She asked me all sorts of questions about my anxiety and how it made me feel. Obviously I told me about my panic attacks and how they made me feel so low that I didn't actually want to be here anymore. If you don't know what a panic attack is it's a quick build up of overwhelming sensations which, for me, included feeling faint, sweating, shaking, breathing discomfort and the feeling of losing all control. My anxiety took over and I ended up avoiding many situations in my teens. There was things I would have loved to do but just couldn't. 
For example, a friend might organise a day out which I would initially agree too as I'd actually be excited about it however about a day or 2 before, or even on the day I would come up with some lame excuse like being ill or a family thing I forgot was happening or something. 
Just think about how my friends felt about me? How they thought I was treating them.. Like I didn't want to spend time with them or I didn't actually like them. 

People with anxiety can often be misunderstood as those without it just can't grasp why we have daily struggles with things they think are really easy. This can cause stigma and discrimination which makes it harder for people to speak openly about what they're going through and seek the help they need.

The sessions with counselling with Chloe ended after a few months to a year because she felt like there was nothing else that she could do for me, and I found that really hard. So after this I just tried to cope on my own. I actually found that after I sat down and thought about what Chloe went through and discussed with me that it helped me out and taught me  many ways I could try and control it. 
I found College so much easier than Secondary School. I was no longer so scared about simple things in a school day. E.g. Assemblies, exams and school trips. Obviously however it was still a big part of each and every day but I just learnt to cope with it a bit more than I used to be able too.
Then I started University. I got a text around 7:30am on Thursday 14th August 2014 saying that I had earned my place at my first choice University. At this point I felt so happy, excited and proud of myself for what I had achieved. However my joy and excitement soon turned into complete dread and worry....
It really affected me and the rest I had of my summer. I spent most night crying myself to sleep worrying about it and just wanted to stay in bed all day as I just couldn't face anyone.
I held off from registering onto the course. I left sorting out accommodation until the last minute. I brought sports kit and then cried when I got it as I thought it might be a waste of money if I didn't end up going. I didn't want to go shopping for uni things as this made it become a reality that I wasn't ready to face up too. 
The struggle was so real. So hard. But I finally made it. I got to Plymouth to The University of St Mark and St John on Sunday 14th September. 
I really struggled with homesickness for at least a week maybe even two. This is because when I meet new people I really worry about what they think about me due to my anxiety and therefore think that they'll think I'm just a massive loser and a weirdo. I then went to my course leader who lead me to the lovely woman called Ruth which was my lifesaver here! She was in charge of the counselling here and really helped me though my struggled. Even if she didn't help I still felt like I had someone to go and talk too, someone who would listen and understand and not judge me about whatever I had to tell her. 
Ever since this I have been a lot better. She has almost helped me become more self-confident and believe I'm actually not that different from everyone else and what I actually have is special and makes me a stronger person. 

So here's the thing...TIPS AND TRICKS from me:

1. BREATHE
2. Question your thoughts (why are you worried? Is what you're worried about actually likely to happen?)
3. Use calming visualisation (picture yourself in your favourite place, or on holiday on a sunny beach...!)
4. Use positive self talk like "I can do it" or "I know strategies to keep calm I just have to use them correctly"
5. Focus on right now
6. Focus on a meaningful activity E.g. doing the washing or going to the movies or something. Ask yourself what you would be doing if you weren't feeling anxious and go and do it! Don't sit around focusing on being anxious - nothing good will come of that.

So that's my story. It was actually hard for me to write that and put it in the correct ways. I hope this helped at least one of you who reads this.. And just know that you're not alone. There's so many people struggling in silence. Talk to someone. That can even be me if you want it too.

Chloe ox

Jumping off cliffs?

So on 20th October 2014 I did something completely crazy and something I thought I'd never do before. As part of my course at University we went coasteering as we had an Outdoor and Adventure module.
When I heard about coasteering before I thought it was just climbing on rocks and jumping off them into the sea however it is much more than just simply doing this. It challenges you mentally and physically and really puts your problem solving skills to the test. 

At the start of the activity I was very apprehensive mainly because I was worried about jumping off a rock and the water below me not being deep enough and hitting a rock as I went into the water. However as it progressed I became more comfortable in the environment we were in and found my confidence growing with everything we were asked to do. 

The weather on this day really didn't help much because there was very strong winds which made the waves quite big and therefore the swells in the sea pushed us into the rocks and the rip currents dragged us out into the ocean which made it all the more challenging for all of us on my course. 

The rocks also posed a good challenge as you had to use your problem solving skills to find the best and safest route possible over and around them. Also as you didn't know what was under the water before you jumped we had to test out the depth each time first before we went up and took the jump from a higher rock.  

During this session I learnt about ocean awareness. This included rip currents, the tide and swells that could occur. I learnt climbing skills, so I got taught that the easiest way to get out of the ocean and onto a rock was to wait for a wave that will give you the extra height so you can get on the rock more easily. 

I also learnt the 2 jumping techniques. The straddle jump for shallow jumps so that you stop yourself from going too far into the water and hurting yourself on a rock or something. And the higher jumping technique where you cross your arms onto your shoulders and hold onto your buoyancy aid so that you limit the impact that the water has on your body when you make contact with it. 

I really would love to try and do this again because it really pushed me out of my comfort zone which helps to make you a better person as life gets boring if you just do the same things day in day out. 

Chloe x

Small body, big heart. Big body, small heart.

Okay, so today I came across this photo in Instagram.

Maybe I've got the wrong meaning but we're all entitled to our own opinions and this photo to me, speaks so many words which a lot of people probably feel at some point in their lives.

At the very left of the image it shows a young child/toddler with a big heart. This is because they have no understanding of the world and its reality and most of all their thoughts and feeling are not influenced or "poisoned" by others and therefore welcome everything with open arms and don't prejudge anything. 

Their feelings and opinions are PURE.

As you can see the person getting older their heart gets smaller. This is because they become influenced by others and this is especially affected by today's society and wanting to fit in with the norms. This is really important to me, as part of the LGBT Community as we're a minority group and have to stand up and fight for what we believe in as we're not the 'norm'. 
When the person is fully sized, on the far right hand side, I think this shows that the person has generated their own thoughts and feelings towards almost everything in life and will never open up to other people's opinions which maybe in turn might end up changing their own  however they never allow for this as they're so stuck in their old ways. 

This is just my interpretation. You may have your own and if so please share it. I'd love to see how other people interpret this photo. I felt the need to share this on my blog because it spoke to me really quite deeply, more than any other photo ordinarily does.

Chloe x

IT'S UPDATE TIME!

Hello everybody!

Welcome back to those of you who return every time to check out any new blog posts that I do.
One thing that might excite you is that I'm planning to do AT LEAST one blog post a week so keep your eyes well peeled as there might be some exciting ones and some less exciting ones but hopefully 1 of them will be interesting to you. Even if I just help 1 person that's all I really want.

So this blog post is an update on how I'm getting on at University. 
If you didn't know, I'm at the University of St Mark and St John. It is a small Uni made up of around 2500 people and is situated on the outskirts of Plymouth (Britain's Ocean City). 
University is hard I'm not going to lie to you but I am loving it at the same time. I've got myself involved in the football and netball teams so I'm pretty busy with those outside of lectures, practicals and seminars as football has 4 sessions a week and netball has 3. The work is okay however I'm currently writing an essay on how you teach people of different abilities how to jump and I have no idea if I'm doing it right so I'm going to see the course leader when I think I've finished it to ask if what I've done is correct. 
Also, side note, referencing is a pain in the butt!!!!!!

I would just like to express that Uni is great and I already feel like I've grown as a person so much already in these 8 weeks. If you're reading this sorting out your Ucas form or deciding whether uni is for you or not, just really think about it. There's some great people here who have similar interests as me and everyone on my course is lovely! The only thing that I find really annoying at the moment is that 3 of my 8 house mates are really untidy and you can tell they're those type of people who had "mummy" do everything when they were at home and it's just annoying but you've just got to get on with it really.
If you have any questions comment on here or ask on my tumblr account as I'm always on there! http://cocojarv.tumblr.com/

I'll be back very soon! (With some exciting pictures of me jumping off cliffs.....)