Ok, so this is something I've been wanting to blog about for some time now as it's very dear to my heart and is a huge part of who I am and how I cope with things in life.
The whole reason I decided to make a blog was just to help one person and make someone's day just that little bit brighter, so if I help at least one person with this blog post then I will feel good. I even tried making a YouTube channel however I found this hard and couldn't really see what to do and didn't have the self-confidence to do it.
So...about a quarter of the world's population suffers from some kind of mental health problem, with mixed anxiety and depression being the most common in Britain, and so I'm going to tell you my story of living with anxiety that affects me EVERY SINGLE DAY in some way.
I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember but have never found the trigger for it. I first seeked medical help when I was around 13 because living with anxiety just seemed to get harder and harder. My doctor then referred me to a mental health centre where I spoke to a lovely woman who was called Chloe too.
She asked me all sorts of questions about my anxiety and how it made me feel. Obviously I told me about my panic attacks and how they made me feel so low that I didn't actually want to be here anymore. If you don't know what a panic attack is it's a quick build up of overwhelming sensations which, for me, included feeling faint, sweating, shaking, breathing discomfort and the feeling of losing all control. My anxiety took over and I ended up avoiding many situations in my teens. There was things I would have loved to do but just couldn't.
For example, a friend might organise a day out which I would initially agree too as I'd actually be excited about it however about a day or 2 before, or even on the day I would come up with some lame excuse like being ill or a family thing I forgot was happening or something.
Just think about how my friends felt about me? How they thought I was treating them.. Like I didn't want to spend time with them or I didn't actually like them.
People with anxiety can often be misunderstood as those without it just can't grasp why we have daily struggles with things they think are really easy. This can cause stigma and discrimination which makes it harder for people to speak openly about what they're going through and seek the help they need.
The sessions with counselling with Chloe ended after a few months to a year because she felt like there was nothing else that she could do for me, and I found that really hard. So after this I just tried to cope on my own. I actually found that after I sat down and thought about what Chloe went through and discussed with me that it helped me out and taught me many ways I could try and control it.
I found College so much easier than Secondary School. I was no longer so scared about simple things in a school day. E.g. Assemblies, exams and school trips. Obviously however it was still a big part of each and every day but I just learnt to cope with it a bit more than I used to be able too.
Then I started University. I got a text around 7:30am on Thursday 14th August 2014 saying that I had earned my place at my first choice University. At this point I felt so happy, excited and proud of myself for what I had achieved. However my joy and excitement soon turned into complete dread and worry....
It really affected me and the rest I had of my summer. I spent most night crying myself to sleep worrying about it and just wanted to stay in bed all day as I just couldn't face anyone.
I held off from registering onto the course. I left sorting out accommodation until the last minute. I brought sports kit and then cried when I got it as I thought it might be a waste of money if I didn't end up going. I didn't want to go shopping for uni things as this made it become a reality that I wasn't ready to face up too.
The struggle was so real. So hard. But I finally made it. I got to Plymouth to The University of St Mark and St John on Sunday 14th September.
I really struggled with homesickness for at least a week maybe even two. This is because when I meet new people I really worry about what they think about me due to my anxiety and therefore think that they'll think I'm just a massive loser and a weirdo. I then went to my course leader who lead me to the lovely woman called Ruth which was my lifesaver here! She was in charge of the counselling here and really helped me though my struggled. Even if she didn't help I still felt like I had someone to go and talk too, someone who would listen and understand and not judge me about whatever I had to tell her.
Ever since this I have been a lot better. She has almost helped me become more self-confident and believe I'm actually not that different from everyone else and what I actually have is special and makes me a stronger person.
So here's the thing...TIPS AND TRICKS from me:
- BREATHE
- Question your thoughts (why are you worried? Is what you're worried about actually likely to happen?)
- Use calming visualisation (picture yourself in your favourite place, or on holiday on a sunny beach...!)
- Use positive self talk like "I can do it" or "I know strategies to keep calm I just have to use them correctly"
- Focus on right now
- Focus on a meaningful activity E.g. doing the washing or going to the movies or something. Ask yourself what you would be doing if you weren't feeling anxious and go and do it! Don't sit around focusing on being anxious - nothing good will come of that.
So that's my story. It was actually hard for me to write that and put it in the correct ways. I hope this helped at least one of you who reads this.. And just know that you're not alone. There's so many people struggling in silence. Talk to someone. That can even be me if you want it too.
Chloe ox
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