Mental Health: Living with Anxiety

HEY GUYS!!

Ok, so this is something I've been wanting to blog about for some time now as it's very dear to my heart and is a huge part of who I am and how I cope with things in life. 
The whole reason I decided to make a blog was just to help one person and make someone's day just that little bit brighter, so if I help at least one person with this blog post then I will feel good. I even tried making a YouTube channel however I found this hard and couldn't really see what to do and didn't have the self-confidence to do it. 

So...about a quarter of the world's population suffers from some kind of mental health problem, with mixed anxiety and depression being the most common in Britain, and so I'm going to tell you my story of living with anxiety that affects me EVERY SINGLE DAY in some way. 

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember but have never found the trigger for it. I first seeked medical help when I was around 13 because living with anxiety just seemed to get harder and harder. My doctor then referred me to a mental health centre where I spoke to a lovely woman who was called Chloe too.
She asked me all sorts of questions about my anxiety and how it made me feel. Obviously I told me about my panic attacks and how they made me feel so low that I didn't actually want to be here anymore. If you don't know what a panic attack is it's a quick build up of overwhelming sensations which, for me, included feeling faint, sweating, shaking, breathing discomfort and the feeling of losing all control. My anxiety took over and I ended up avoiding many situations in my teens. There was things I would have loved to do but just couldn't. 
For example, a friend might organise a day out which I would initially agree too as I'd actually be excited about it however about a day or 2 before, or even on the day I would come up with some lame excuse like being ill or a family thing I forgot was happening or something. 
Just think about how my friends felt about me? How they thought I was treating them.. Like I didn't want to spend time with them or I didn't actually like them. 

People with anxiety can often be misunderstood as those without it just can't grasp why we have daily struggles with things they think are really easy. This can cause stigma and discrimination which makes it harder for people to speak openly about what they're going through and seek the help they need.

The sessions with counselling with Chloe ended after a few months to a year because she felt like there was nothing else that she could do for me, and I found that really hard. So after this I just tried to cope on my own. I actually found that after I sat down and thought about what Chloe went through and discussed with me that it helped me out and taught me  many ways I could try and control it. 
I found College so much easier than Secondary School. I was no longer so scared about simple things in a school day. E.g. Assemblies, exams and school trips. Obviously however it was still a big part of each and every day but I just learnt to cope with it a bit more than I used to be able too.
Then I started University. I got a text around 7:30am on Thursday 14th August 2014 saying that I had earned my place at my first choice University. At this point I felt so happy, excited and proud of myself for what I had achieved. However my joy and excitement soon turned into complete dread and worry....
It really affected me and the rest I had of my summer. I spent most night crying myself to sleep worrying about it and just wanted to stay in bed all day as I just couldn't face anyone.
I held off from registering onto the course. I left sorting out accommodation until the last minute. I brought sports kit and then cried when I got it as I thought it might be a waste of money if I didn't end up going. I didn't want to go shopping for uni things as this made it become a reality that I wasn't ready to face up too. 
The struggle was so real. So hard. But I finally made it. I got to Plymouth to The University of St Mark and St John on Sunday 14th September. 
I really struggled with homesickness for at least a week maybe even two. This is because when I meet new people I really worry about what they think about me due to my anxiety and therefore think that they'll think I'm just a massive loser and a weirdo. I then went to my course leader who lead me to the lovely woman called Ruth which was my lifesaver here! She was in charge of the counselling here and really helped me though my struggled. Even if she didn't help I still felt like I had someone to go and talk too, someone who would listen and understand and not judge me about whatever I had to tell her. 
Ever since this I have been a lot better. She has almost helped me become more self-confident and believe I'm actually not that different from everyone else and what I actually have is special and makes me a stronger person. 

So here's the thing...TIPS AND TRICKS from me:

1. BREATHE
2. Question your thoughts (why are you worried? Is what you're worried about actually likely to happen?)
3. Use calming visualisation (picture yourself in your favourite place, or on holiday on a sunny beach...!)
4. Use positive self talk like "I can do it" or "I know strategies to keep calm I just have to use them correctly"
5. Focus on right now
6. Focus on a meaningful activity E.g. doing the washing or going to the movies or something. Ask yourself what you would be doing if you weren't feeling anxious and go and do it! Don't sit around focusing on being anxious - nothing good will come of that.

So that's my story. It was actually hard for me to write that and put it in the correct ways. I hope this helped at least one of you who reads this.. And just know that you're not alone. There's so many people struggling in silence. Talk to someone. That can even be me if you want it too.

Chloe ox

Jumping off cliffs?

So on 20th October 2014 I did something completely crazy and something I thought I'd never do before. As part of my course at University we went coasteering as we had an Outdoor and Adventure module.
When I heard about coasteering before I thought it was just climbing on rocks and jumping off them into the sea however it is much more than just simply doing this. It challenges you mentally and physically and really puts your problem solving skills to the test. 

At the start of the activity I was very apprehensive mainly because I was worried about jumping off a rock and the water below me not being deep enough and hitting a rock as I went into the water. However as it progressed I became more comfortable in the environment we were in and found my confidence growing with everything we were asked to do. 

The weather on this day really didn't help much because there was very strong winds which made the waves quite big and therefore the swells in the sea pushed us into the rocks and the rip currents dragged us out into the ocean which made it all the more challenging for all of us on my course. 

The rocks also posed a good challenge as you had to use your problem solving skills to find the best and safest route possible over and around them. Also as you didn't know what was under the water before you jumped we had to test out the depth each time first before we went up and took the jump from a higher rock.  

During this session I learnt about ocean awareness. This included rip currents, the tide and swells that could occur. I learnt climbing skills, so I got taught that the easiest way to get out of the ocean and onto a rock was to wait for a wave that will give you the extra height so you can get on the rock more easily. 

I also learnt the 2 jumping techniques. The straddle jump for shallow jumps so that you stop yourself from going too far into the water and hurting yourself on a rock or something. And the higher jumping technique where you cross your arms onto your shoulders and hold onto your buoyancy aid so that you limit the impact that the water has on your body when you make contact with it. 

I really would love to try and do this again because it really pushed me out of my comfort zone which helps to make you a better person as life gets boring if you just do the same things day in day out. 

Chloe x

Small body, big heart. Big body, small heart.

Okay, so today I came across this photo in Instagram.

Maybe I've got the wrong meaning but we're all entitled to our own opinions and this photo to me, speaks so many words which a lot of people probably feel at some point in their lives.

At the very left of the image it shows a young child/toddler with a big heart. This is because they have no understanding of the world and its reality and most of all their thoughts and feeling are not influenced or "poisoned" by others and therefore welcome everything with open arms and don't prejudge anything. 

Their feelings and opinions are PURE.

As you can see the person getting older their heart gets smaller. This is because they become influenced by others and this is especially affected by today's society and wanting to fit in with the norms. This is really important to me, as part of the LGBT Community as we're a minority group and have to stand up and fight for what we believe in as we're not the 'norm'. 
When the person is fully sized, on the far right hand side, I think this shows that the person has generated their own thoughts and feelings towards almost everything in life and will never open up to other people's opinions which maybe in turn might end up changing their own  however they never allow for this as they're so stuck in their old ways. 

This is just my interpretation. You may have your own and if so please share it. I'd love to see how other people interpret this photo. I felt the need to share this on my blog because it spoke to me really quite deeply, more than any other photo ordinarily does.

Chloe x

IT'S UPDATE TIME!

Hello everybody!

Welcome back to those of you who return every time to check out any new blog posts that I do.
One thing that might excite you is that I'm planning to do AT LEAST one blog post a week so keep your eyes well peeled as there might be some exciting ones and some less exciting ones but hopefully 1 of them will be interesting to you. Even if I just help 1 person that's all I really want.

So this blog post is an update on how I'm getting on at University. 
If you didn't know, I'm at the University of St Mark and St John. It is a small Uni made up of around 2500 people and is situated on the outskirts of Plymouth (Britain's Ocean City). 
University is hard I'm not going to lie to you but I am loving it at the same time. I've got myself involved in the football and netball teams so I'm pretty busy with those outside of lectures, practicals and seminars as football has 4 sessions a week and netball has 3. The work is okay however I'm currently writing an essay on how you teach people of different abilities how to jump and I have no idea if I'm doing it right so I'm going to see the course leader when I think I've finished it to ask if what I've done is correct. 
Also, side note, referencing is a pain in the butt!!!!!!

I would just like to express that Uni is great and I already feel like I've grown as a person so much already in these 8 weeks. If you're reading this sorting out your Ucas form or deciding whether uni is for you or not, just really think about it. There's some great people here who have similar interests as me and everyone on my course is lovely! The only thing that I find really annoying at the moment is that 3 of my 8 house mates are really untidy and you can tell they're those type of people who had "mummy" do everything when they were at home and it's just annoying but you've just got to get on with it really.
If you have any questions comment on here or ask on my tumblr account as I'm always on there! http://cocojarv.tumblr.com/

I'll be back very soon! (With some exciting pictures of me jumping off cliffs.....)

The Benefits of Coming Out!

Coming out can help to lift a huge weight off your shoulders as you don't have to feel like you have to be someone you're not anymore and you can truly be yourself for the first time in your life!

• Coming is a statement of self-acceptance and saying to the world that you think it’s okay for you - and anyone - to be gay. It’s an assertive thing to do, a confidence boost, and can kick-start a new chapter of positive changes in your life.
• Coming out can bring you closer to your friends and family. Secrets create barriers that keep people apart. Once the truth is out a gay person often becomes more relaxed and open. They can be themselves and allow their friends and family to get to know them much better. Many people report that friendships and family bonds become stronger once the secrecy of being in the closet is lifted.
• It’s easier to meet other gay people if you are out. Pretending to be straight is a huge obstacle to finding gay friends or a partner. An out gay person is more visible and accessible to other gay people and easier to get to know. An out gay person is more likely to go to a gay venue, join a gay social group or go on a date, making it much easier to meet people.
• You may find that coming out gives other gay friends, colleagues and acquaintances the courage to do the same. You might be surprised at how many other gay people seem to appear once you get the ball rolling. I remember starting a new job a few years ago. There was a man in the office who I had a feeling was gay. When he saw how people responded positively to the news of my sexuality, he came out too and seemed much happier and more relaxed in the office. He'd been there for many years before I arrived, sidestepping and avoiding the topic of his personal life.
• Many people feel happier, calmer, more confident and more positive about the future after coming out. Being in the closet can be a lonely, anxious and unhappy place. Denying your feelings, lying to loved ones and putting on an act to please others is unhealthy and can be costly in terms of your emotional well-being. I very much believe that the only way to have a chance at real happiness is to have the courage to be yourself.

Coming Out

Coming out can be an incredibly scary and daunting thing to young people. 
Finding out that you're gay is only the first step and I found this very hard just like many other people as you go through many confused emotions that you're too young to understand or just too complicated for you to comprehend. 
Maybe you knew from a very young age that there wasn't something quite right..
Maybe, like me you just found someone that you liked and wasn't sure if it was just a really close friendship, you were just very confused with your emotions or you were actually 'different' from everyone else. 

First things first, You're no different from anyone else! you're still your normal everyday self. Just because heterosexuality is deemed as normal in our society doesn't mean that you're not just because everyone is narrow minded and can't understand why people have different sexualities and can't be bothered to find out to teach themselves to make them accept us. That's their loss not ours!

Dealing with parents tends to be the toughest part of coming out. These two special people are unique in that they created and raised you and are fully invested in your well-being. You are a part of them and a reflection of their values. Your development into a healthy and happy adult is largely down to their parenting skills. If a parent holds negative views on homosexuality they might think that having a gay child is a failing on their part. They might think they did something wrong that made their son or daughter turn out 'wrong'. But being gay has nothing to do with good or bad parenting.

Good parents want their child to be safe and happy. They often have fixed ideas about what form that happiness will take in adult life, typically defined by heterosexual marriage and children. There's nothing wrong with these things of course but the traditional expectations of parents can be a terrible burden for a gay child. Most parents assume their offspring is going to be straight, but rational and open-minded mums and dads understand that romantic love and happiness aren't defined by the gender mix of a couple, nor are those things exclusive to heterosexual people. Some parents take longer to reach this conclusion. You can help your parents to get there by making good and healthy choices in life and in your choice of partner. Be patient and calm when they ask questions or express misconceptions that may be offensive to you. Your parents are being presented with concepts they may never have considered before. It's a lot to take in.

The most important thing; To me the most important thing when thinking about coming out is to make sure you're ready. Your parents and others that you have to come out too may have a lot of questions and you'll have to be able to answer these to help them understand and come to terms with your sexuality. Usually there comes a time where the secrecy of being gay can feel like it's eating you up inside. If this is the case I think it's time! Be brave and make that leap of faith!! 

New YouTube Channel!

Okay so about 2 months ago I decided to go ahead and create my own YouTube channel. This was a crazy ass idea and to start off with I couldn't think of any videos to post that would be interesting so my channel just sat alone with no videos for over a month.
About a week ago I decided to get the ball rolling so to speak. Maybe I should say get the camera filming...Anyway I now have 2 videos on my YouTube channel and I'm planning to upload at least once a week if not more.
My channel will include videos ranging from Hair Tutorials, Monthly Favourites, Vlogs, Things on my mind, Make up Tutorials and many more that viewers would like to see.
I have made the YouTube mainly to help others. I have had a very troubled childhood and gone through many things as a young girl and also a teenager/young adult and would just love to brighten people's days and reach out to people to help them from my past experiences.

CHECK IT OUT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbj9gtycsmIAeojFeMOCFPg

Thanks for reading my blog yet again xx